Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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