I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
