I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
