Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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