i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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