Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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