Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
