I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
