I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
