i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
