I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
