so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
