I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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