the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
