Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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