I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
