How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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