sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
