mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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