I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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