No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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