she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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