woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
