Can Purell be used as lube?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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