I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Moan for me like Helen Keller
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
