what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
