why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
