kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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