i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
