Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
