she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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