"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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