In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
