Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sext me about skeletons
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
