i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
