3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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