Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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