He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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