I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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