Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
