TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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