grandma shit on top of the toilet
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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