Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
