Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
