He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
