Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
