I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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