Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
