smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
40s are totally the cure
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
