STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
