A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
